Thursday, July 8, 2010

The New Mattress Set

The delivery men set the new mattress and box springs on top of the bed frame, chuckled, and left.

It turns out that as Americans have gotten wider, so have our mattress sets. Twenty-first century box springs are wider than nineteenth-century bed frames like mine. So the box springs sat on top of the bed frame rather than in it, and came nowhere near touching the bed slats.

So I used long 2 x 2's to raise the height of the slats enough to support the box springs. This raised the height of the sleeping surface three inches.

Nineteenth-century bed frames are much higher than modern bed frames. Modern mattress sets are a whole lot thicker than they used to be. And if a person does not realize all this and consequently also purchases the two-inch topper, one is left with a very high bed indeed.

I made the bed, stepped back, and realized it looked like I'd just thrown a quilt over a piano.

It took me several attempts to hoist myself up onto the top of the thing. Since then, with practice, I've found that if I can get one knee up, I can usually pull myself up on the first try. It only occasionally takes a second attempt, but if I get any older I'll have to get a set of stairs.

Fortunately I don't have a ceiling fan. I could just see me sitting bolt upright after a middle-of-the-night epiphany moment and having an unfortunate accident.


  1. SNERK! This HAS to become a book, Mela. Really, I mean it.

  2. Hmmm. You know, it might fit at that. Because Asperger's does give me a lot of bolt-upright middle-of-the-night epiphanies, when it dawns on me I've made another social blunder. Thanks so for the suggestion, Apple.



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